I don't know what I was expecting, a wave of emotion or a burst of anger, but it didn't come. It was like when I walked through the house once everything was at the new place. I thought I would be overcome with tears and just want to wander aimlessly from room to room remembering all of the good times and as I walked, nothing came. Each room housed good, but somehow it was like that part of my brain had died or been turned off so there wasn't anything registering.
I remember the way the empty rooms looked-foreign and sad- but still no emotion.
I felt the same way today. I thought some type of peak or valley would come in my emotional state, but it is more like the feeling of giving blood. I feel like I have given too much. Like somehow too much was taken out of me and I am just wandering and waiting for the crackers and juice to kick in. Part of me feels like I should be laying down on the cot and not exerting too much, but my body just doesn't want to listen to anyone.
Six years were taken from me by the decisions of another so maybe that is why I feel so depleted. I don't know, why I feel this way. There is no joy or relief or anything that washes over me. I know that the rest now is a waiting game so I just have to be patient (and for those of you who know, that is not my strong suit)
Sorry if you were expecting some happy mindless rant about library etiquette, but that is just not on my mind today.
5 comments:
I am sure more emotions will hit you over the next few days and months. I am proud of you! Let's lunch on Friday, my kids will help make you forget everything :)
Stay tough. The days will get brighter.
(I mean figuratively, not literally... The days are only going to get darker from now until about February) ;-)
Seriously though - you are walking through the fire right now, but when you get to the other side you will be stronger and wiser for it. Hang in there.
Steph, I am planning on coming over tomorrow for lunch and I am sure your precious darlings will brighten my day!
Thank you both for the kind words. I know that "this too shall pass", but I just didn't expect to feel so drained. When do the good things start happening? Haven't I had enough bad to last the rest of my life?
Without darkness there would be no need for light.
Some never experience true darkness in their life and those are the ones who never really appreciate the light.
When bad things happen to good people...its God asking you will you still follow me during the darkness? Or only when there is light?
It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
There is light in your future and it will be worth the wait. Trust me :-)
David, thanks. I know that good things will come, but I am just so overwhelmed with the bad and am waiting for some good. Thanks for the encouragement.
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