Merry Christmas

Not much feels like Christmas this year. People, places, things and weather have made me almost forget that today is Christmas Eve and celebrations begin tonight.

Sometimes, it is nice to have the traditions adjusted when you don't entirely feel like celebrating. So far I have been able to enjoy the things I like about the holidays times...

1. No snow!!!
2. Less stress of where to go the week before Christmas
3. Less gifts to buy
4. Less food to make
5. Ease of decisions since I only have to consult myself
6. More flexibility
7. Time to "sit back" and watch the things happen that I am used to doing
8. Reflecting more
9. Enjoying more
10. Celebrating!

Enjoy your holiday and take some time to stop and take in all the beauty of family, friends and festivities around you.

Control

There are people in life who somehow have a way of controlling others in their lives. Most often the one who is being controlled has no idea that it is happening. She feels like she is just being 'the good wife' or he feels like his role as 'the good son' is justified, but are they?

I am realizing that I have let someone control me in small subtle ways for way too long. I have allowed my happiness, sadness and sense of worth and self to become so wrapped up in one person. Looking back at it makes me sick.

Even now, as far as I have come, I find myself still being controlled. A letter can cause me so much anger and a Christmas card with a few choice words can cause me to burst in to tears.

This person was supposed to love me and care for me and care about me and there is a part of me that can't quite surrender that control he has over me.

Another Chapter Closes

Today a chapter in my life closes. The last four years of my life have become a sad statistic and I am now thrown into a category that is more foreign to me than marriage. The hard part is, I was often happy and content in my life that now seems like I must have seen it in a mini-series somewhere.

The last almost year have at times passed so fast that I don't remember my feet every getting out of bed. At other times the pain seemed so intense that what must have been minutes felt like days.

I have changed, grown, cried and shared more in the past eleven months than in the other 24 combined. I never wanted to go through what I have and would not wish that pain on even my worst of enemies.

However, I have learned that what others may mean for evil or selfish reasons, God can use for good. That doesn't take away the loneliness, pain or sadness that I feel, but it does give me hope. I know that deep down there is something better out there for me. God has brought me to a place where I can see that and know that to be true, but the loneliness still exists.

So, as the married chapter of my life is today officially and legally closed and a new chapter begins I have one question...where are all the single Christian guys? (I have learned that without humor I would have lost my mind a long time ago)

Babies

Well, yesterday marked a new beginning as my family welcomed our first baby boy into the world. He was born at about 9:00 pm and is healthy and well and cute as can be (of course).

(yes, this is him!)

I was a little uncertain how I would feel about a boy joining the ranks. I have nothing against boys, but I have all nieces that are quite girly and rather enjoy that part of my Auntie role. Now, I get to learn about the boy side of things and it is pretty exciting.

Seeing the baby tonight made me realize how much I really care for my nieces (and nephew too). They were so adorable at the hospital and looking at the pictures part of me thinks "how did we all get past security?" and the other part of me thinks, "wow, these are all such great girls!"

I am sure that my new nephew will help bring some balance to an estrogen filled family and that is good. I do feel bad for him with all those older girls to pick on him though.