Submit

God is trying to teach me something right now, but I don’t know what it is. How can I be so sure? Well, let me explain my week.

It started with confirmation that a friendship I held in high regard was in fact only one-sided. Next came the excitement of a potential set-up that sounded rather promising. Mid-week included a spotting of an ex-boyfriend followed up by him emailing me and flirting with me. Now, this is the one who just a year ago broke up with me and left me devastated and in confusion for months. Friday brought a sighting of the ex-husband at the vet, which this time included no words since I busied myself with a quick phone call. Topped off by the set-up prospect turning dead in the water.

So, this week has got to mean he was trying to teach me something, right?!? Cause the alternatives are that life is just chance and happenstance, which I don’t agree with. Or, that he takes some type of pleasure in my pain, again not what I believe. The reality is that he has plans for good for me…so what does this all mean?

Oh, did I mention that five years ago today I received a phone call that would change my life as I knew it and tumble me into a whole new world of divorced, suddenly single and alone.

Are these reminders of the awful relationships I’ve had with men? I can’t imagine- I realize they were not good relationships and if any of them were to ask for second chances, I would decline. How about a 'look how far you’ve come' moment…possible, but I’m not sure how focusing on the negative is supposed to make me realize this. In many ways I am happy and content with my life, just a piece that I would like to be there is missing…the level of pain this causes at any given moment fluctuates.

I talked with a counselor friend who seems as baffled as I am…the one thing we can agree on, is that God is doing something here, but what is it. She recommended I pray for guidance and that I’m open to learning what he has for me.

So, I went to Bible study with raw emotions, not wanting to be there, but knowing (for this year) God has called me to lead. After all, we’re talking about submission and husbands and wives, so I can sort of zone out on this one. Right?!? But, not really because we took it deeper.

“The question is never are you submitted. The only question is who and what are you submitted to.” [GULP]. What am I submitted to?!? Is THIS what you want me to get God? That I need to be fully submitted to you? Cause I have turned over the control of the dating thing to you, but fully submitted, now that’s a hard one, one we all need to work on.

“The reason submission is such a powerful principle is because it operates on pure faith. It says, I believe that God sees all. Hears all and knows all and He will intervene on my behalf.”

So, even if the situation seems hopeless and like there is no resuscitation, God will intervene on my behalf- he knows all, sees all and hears all. He knows the desires of my heart. He has plans to bless me.

Maybe I need to submit more of myself to him; my desires, my dating (or lack thereof), my future, my life, everything.